It’s hard to know where to start, or how to start when it comes to the things I need to say to my family… mainly because, no matter what I do or don’t do, say or don’t say, I’m always wrong somehow. I’ve tried as hard as I know how… I’ve tried to earn your love and respect, and for a very brief time I even had it. Not for long though.
The trouble is, I can’t take on the battles I need to fight, I can’t challenge the inequities of the system which keeps you all in chains and take you on too.
I already know what your reaction to this blog will be. But fuck it, this needs saying, if only for my sake.
I know that I lash out at you sometimes, Stevie, and I know that I can be pretty severe. But after a whole lifetime of your unrelenting and unwarranted disapproval I find it hard to know how else to be with you. And because I know how intelligent you are, what a keen mind you have, I get so frustrated that you choose to ignore what’s being done to us all in the name of power and The State.
I hate that you ignore everything I share related to the two major issues of vaccines and television and continue to fill your babies with both. – How can an intelligent man so blindly choose to endanger his family? There is SO much information out there regarding the dangers of vaccines, not to mention that the ‘authorities’ in these matters also know, and have always known, the dangers… yet they push them on us anyway.
And yet, Stevie, rather than take an interest in what’s real, and what is beneficial to you family, you choose to deride me, to dismiss me, belittle me and ignore me. I know that that’s easier than taking an interest, and I know how long you waited to have this beautiful family of yours… I know that you just want things to be the way we grew up believing them to be. I know it’s easier to go along with the system without questioning, without challenging, without your world being rocked by the truth. And so we grow further and further apart.
I don’t do the things I do for fun, I do what I do in order to draw attention to the realities we live in… to draw attention to the deceptions, to draw attention to the fascism which is no longer creeping, but rushing into our lives and homes, Knowing that the only way to change these things is by awareness. – Because a handful of ‘conspiracy nuts’ aren’t going to change a thing, but a few million aware individuals just might!
I’m not your enemy, Ste, I’m actually on your side, doing all I can to ensure that your children don’t inherit the Orwellian nightmare that is planned for them.
Suzzie, you went all the way to Australia to give your kids a better life. And from England I do my best to make sure you stay aware of the things you need to be aware of for their sake, but you dismiss me as a ‘conspiracy theorist, looking for things to be worried about’. I send you links to factual information, to government bills showing how they are sneaking through clauses hidden within the new Mental Health Act in WA, allowing children as young as twelve to decide, WITHOUT parental consent or even parental knowledge, to be sterilized. (Why would they hide such a clause in a mental health bill of all things?) It’s right there in the legislation… yet I am a ‘conspiracy theorist’ for letting you know the truth. – Turns out I was right about the fluoride, but somehow wrong about this..? Or have you forgotten the research you did into fluoride after I told you why it is put into school milk and into water? Have you forgotten that you made sure Tia got un-fluoridated milk at school as a result of your research?
I’m not asking or expecting you do the things I do, but at least take me seriously. You know I do my research, you know I don’t just accept things at face value. So please, don’t dismiss me so easily.
I miss you so much, Sue, and I can’t even begin to express how much I miss the girls! Every time I speak to them I want to tell them how much I love and miss them… But I get frowned upon for that by their nan, lest I upset them. Fair enough, but that only makes the distance between us even greater still.
My life has moved on so much since you left and so has yours. I have no idea how to bridge that gap. – I don’t want to freak them out about the kind of world they’re growing up in, I don’t want to burst your bubble, to cloud up your dreams. But I can’t let that stop me from at least trying to make things better for them and for you from this side of the world. At least I can do that for them.
But I need you to take me seriously, Sue, not to dismiss me as a conspiracy nut. I deserve that much don’t I?
The truth is that there really IS a conspiracy by the ruling elites of the world (it’s not even hidden any more) to create a one world, post democratic government, bent on reducing the population of the world. I know that you don’t want to hear that, that you don’t want to deal with the implications of it, that you don’t want to address the ways in which it is being implemented via sneaky bits of legislation; via the United Nations ‘agenda 21′; the W.H.O.; the World Bank, etc. – And I appreciate why you don’t. But please don’t try to stop me from tackling these issues just because you don’t want to.
I know that you want me to be happy, Sue, but being true to myself is what makes me happy, what fulfils me and makes my life worthwhile.
Dad, you’re a stranger to me these days. I have no idea whether you love me right now or hate me… whether I have your approval or disdain. Am I ‘out of the will’ or in it? (Not that I have any interest one way or the other in your will). I’d love to see you Dad (and Marge!) and for you to meet Prajna, but only if that’s a meeting of equals, of friends. Anything less would be a waste for both of us.
Mum, what can I say? I only have guilt to express… guilt that you bought this house for me to live in, guilt that my life went in a different, unexpected direction, and I can’t buy it from you, guilt that I took Marty in and that Marty took the piss out of both of us, guilt that I can’t offer you acceptable (to you) solutions for dealing with this situation. I’ve tried to offer solutions. I only wish I knew what else to do!
You know I love you. You know how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me, yet you manage to twist my words to suggest that I’ve somehow thrown it all back in your face. Even though you KNOW better. Even though you KNOW how much I appreciate you.
I know you say you don’t want me to feel guilty, but all too often, in the same breath, you lay the guilt on. It’s like being crucified over and over again sometimes… especially when I’ve got so much else on my plate.
I don’t want you to feel bad either Mum. You did a fantastic job of bringing us up, and every time I’ve needed your support you’ve been right there, encouraging me to get through the hard times. But you seem to have this fear (maybe all mums have it?) of being a bad mother, and you all too often set out to prove that you are… and then we’re back to me feeling guilty that you feel bad… and off we go again in this self-fullfiling prophecy of guilt and fear.
And I KNOW we can do better!
My life is about truth, about exposing tyranny and injustice, about doing everything I can to create a better world for my nieces and nephews. Whether you all like it or not. I make no excuses. And if I can’t have your support in that, then at least give me a break from your constant disapproval!
I’m not evil, I’m not a hater, and I deserve better from my family. I’ve earned your respect and love time and time again over the years. I’ve made this family the centre of my life, I’ve done all I can to ‘fit in’ with your ideas of what I should or shouldn’t be… but I cannot and will not deny who I am in order to appease you.
I know that no matter what I do or say at least one of you will fly off the handle and spout your fury or your overwhelming concern. And there’s nothing at all I can do about that…. Well, I guess I could keep quiet, live a life that, whilst not exactly meeting your approval, at least doesn’t challenge you too much. But that would be a denial of myself and, ultimately, a waste of my life. And so this is the situation we’re stuck with. I am me, and either you accept me as I am or leave me to get on with it minus the guilt, fear and frustration.
I will say, before you start, that what I’ve written here (and everything I ever write) is only an expression of my perspective and that I know you each have your own. I know that! But this is my perspective and it’s just as valid as yours.
I am me. That is all I can ever be… whether you approve of me or not.
Your daughter, sister, auntie, niece, cousin, friend,
P.S. Are you offended by the name change? Do I owe you an explanation for that too or is my unconventional marriage to Prajna enough of an explanation? – By the way, Kali is a Hindu god – the destroyer of ego and all separation – and Prajita means invincible, unstoppable, driven. I was given the name by Prajna’s teacher, Saswot (by way of explanation. 😉 )
P.P.S. I know you’ll probably be offended that I’m blogging this, rather than sending it to you personally, but I know too that there are thousands of people in my position, trying to balance truth with family relationships and finding it impossible. And for them to know they’re not the only ones really matters. – We have enough to contend with in this truth/freedom movement (if movement is what it is) standing up to a criminal State and we need to support each other. It’s not for ‘kudos’ that I write this dad, it’s for support… for me and for my brothers and sisters in truth.